i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
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U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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