i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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