I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
