I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
