I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Never joke about your clitoris.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
