I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
