I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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