just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
