Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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