life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
