Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
sarcasm needs its own font
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
