My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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