It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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