We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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