...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
