We're facebook friends in real life
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
