I just saw a hot homeless man
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
