Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He felt like a one man threesome
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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