She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
