Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
