i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
