loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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