No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
