Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
