pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
two words...techno handjob
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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