I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
