Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
