I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
