I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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