your room smells of hookers.
And success
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
