I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
