My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Someone came in the potted fern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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