That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
