yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
