The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
