just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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