Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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