if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
