people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
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It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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