Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
