Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
