She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
