Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
