I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
