I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he shaved USA in his pubs
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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