Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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