She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
