College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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