Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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