I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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