you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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