You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
