I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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