Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
