i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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