Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
