he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
