In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
