She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
