Ketchup is God's man juice
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
