I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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