So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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