so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
