if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
