Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
