So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
