I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
