apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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