that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize