i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I AM VODKA MAN
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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