his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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