Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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